Signs From My Dad
When my father turned 80, I knew deep in my heart that it would be his last birthday celebration. That day was June 26, 2013. I wish I could say I was wrong but I was more right than I have ever been. I received a strong feeling throughout the day. Remembering his words, confirmed this would be his last Birthday. He had a simple birthday celebration with only immediate family present. We created a lot of laughter and humor on this very special day.
Throughout the next year, I would receive “last” messages; that this would be his last Christmas and his last Easter. I kept thinking to myself, “No way!” I was able to record conversations with my Dad and ask him about our family history, conversations I should have had with him many years earlier. Somehow I knew it was the time to ask him.
A few weeks before my Father passed away, who were at my niece’s 21st Birthday party. My father was sitting, holding the handles of his walker, observing the festivities. I could see that he was just enjoying the moment, as if time was standing still. We asked my father to get up and dance down the line, which he did. He used his walker to move backwards then forward, smiling from ear to ear and all I could do was take it in for myself. He received a burst of energy in that moment. To me this was going to be his last dance.
A week before his unexpected passing, I was near my parents’ neighborhood, and I thought I would surprise them with a visit. My father was sitting in his favorite chair, wearing his favorite jacket, and it appeared as if he was waiting for me. I gave him a kiss on his forehead and stared into his eyes. The unthinkable happened, he gave me what I call the “death stare”. I have received this death stare from time to time throughout my entire existence.
The week of his passing, strange things were occurring at my parent’s home. My mom called me that Sunday and said, “Dad was sitting on his rocker and a man with a white shirt on a dark blue pants ran by and went into the laundry room. I went in there and there’s no one there. Is dad losing his mind? I took a deep breath and said, no, Mom, they are coming for him. She did not like my answer so I ended that conversation. I thought to myself, is that my father seeing a younger version of himself?
Three days later, my mom called and was a little freaked out. She said when she was in the laundry room, removing the clothes from the dryer, a man with a white shirt on a dark pants ran by her. She jumped back and screamed and said Adam, do you see that guy? He said no Pat! They both seen the same man but on different days and he came from the same location.
Thursday, May 1st, 2014, I had a very vivid dream. I was walking in my parent’s bedroom with my sister, Michelle. The room was pretty empty and I just knew to myself that my father passed away. I woke up that morning and told my husband about the dream. My husband tried to calm me down, he told me to reach out to them. I told him that they were traveling to an out-of-state casino. My father was no longer able to drive so while my mother was at the wheel, I called my father’s cell phone. It rang and rang and little did I know on his end that the message he received on his phone said, “Good bye”. Then I attempted to call their home phone and when the answering machine came on, I did not have the heart to leave a message that dad was going to die today. I was thinking if this does happen, that is the last thing I want my mom to hear and listen to over and over again so I just hung up. I called my mom’s cell number and my mom asked my father to answer it and it said, “Good bye” again and it turned off. My mother was saying to my dad, “Adam don’t you know how to answer the phones?” He was like “Yes Pat, the phone keeps reading, ‘”Good bye’”. Both of their phones were fully charged so they should have never received the same message. That message was so powerful but misunderstood at that moment in time.
I was near the train station, when I received an incoming call from Nana…at 7:14 a.m., I knew it before I even answered the call. My mom said, Dad collapsed and they are trying to revive him. I knew deep down inside, he was already gone. In that moment, all I could remember is telling my mom to stay calm that we are on our way. I started calling my siblings as I drove and drove until, we agreed on a mutual place to meet to ride together. As I waited in a nearby restaurant the call came in a little after 8 a.m. and Mom said, Dad has passed away. I sat there numb, speechless and just hearing those words come from my mom and there was nothing I could do and I could not comfort her. She was alone for the first time in over 55 years. She did not have her rock, her love by her side, she did not have any family by her side. All I kept thinking was we need to get to Mom as quickly as possible. My father passed of a massive heart attack. He went very fast and without pain.
This is something he always asked for, he wanted to die fast without pain and in her arms.
The trip to the hospital seemed like forever. We all seemed to arrive at the hospital at the same time, so we walked in together. We met Mom right inside the front doors. I could see her, so lost and confused, so I wrapped my arms around her and we cried. As we all walked down the long hallway with the Indian Priest, my sister-in-law and I could see that there was something different happening. The priest started acting like my father, he even started to caress my mom’s long ponytail, something my father would do often. He started to talk very fast and all over the board and we both looked at each other and said, that’s Dad! He kept repeating himself over and over and I was crying and laughing at the same time. I do feel that my father jumped into his body for a short time.
As I entered my dad’s room, I could sense that his presence was still there. I felt he was waiting for most of the family to be present. A moment of being with my father, all of the machines that were turned off went on and alarms in his room started going off, I knew it was him. I laid next to him, and cuddled him, whispered in his ear and kissed his still warm body. I wanted to get in as much time with him as possible. To others it would seem like he’s already gone but to me, he still was with all of us for that very short time. As I was whispering “secret” messages to him, I asked him to start giving us more and more signs that life does go on. We would all soon know that he had many new tricks up his sleeve.
The doctor came and explained how Dad went quickly and did not experience any pain. He died of a massive heart attack. My mom said Dad always said he wanted to die quickly without pain and in my arms and that is what he did. She finally was able to explain that last moments of Dad’s life.
“Dad and I were on our way to the casino in Michigan City and you were calling dad’s phone. He went to answer it and it read goodbye, then my phone started to ring so I handed it to dad to answer and it read the same thing. We were unable to take your call. I thought to myself that is strange since both phones are fully charged. I parked the car and headed into the casino and saved a slot machine right next to the one I was going to play. I put my free slot play into the machine and was waiting for Dad to meet me. It seemed like he was taking longer than usual and when he approached me I asked him for his player’s card. As he sat down on the chair, I noticed he was sweating profusely so I wiped his forehead off with a hanky and removed his jacket. As I put his players card into his slot machine, Dad laid his head down on the machine and I said, are you ok – Adam are you ok, he turned to me and said VERTIGO, then fell lifeless into my lap and we came down onto the casino floor. I yelled and screamed for help. The workers made a circle around Dad and put me on the side so I could not see what they were doing. They brought the defibrillator and tried their best to revive him. This could not be happening, this is not the end of the road for him. The paramedics placed Dad on the stretcher, put him in the ambulance and told me what hospital they were taking him to. I was alone, in an unfamiliar place, unfamiliar city and I did not have good direction to get to the hospital. I did not have a GPS and I don’t feel like I absorbed the quickly related directions. I drove off in a direction, not knowing if I was going the correct way. I pulled over to three or four gas stations and there was a man in the last location and the man asked, ‘What is wrong’? I explained my situation and he said don’t worry, I am headed that way, follow me. I would never trust a stranger but I was at my lowest point so I followed. He was an honorable man and kept his word; He drove right up to the hospital and waved in his rearview mirror so I knew I had the right location. The ambulance arrived in five minutes and for me it took longer. The staff asked me why it took me so long? I explained that I got lost, because I was in shock. They brought me over to where a priest and nun were standing. They asked my name and I asked how Adam was? The priest said it would be awhile, so I sat and waited. He started stroking the back of my hair, I got up and went to the ladies room because I felt uncomfortable. When I got back he took me to another room. I sat down and asked for prayer. I sat there for about 40 minutes until the doctor came out and said, ‘We have been working on Adam for over an hour and he had passed away’. I could not believe those words. After they told they took me to Adam’s room. I was able to kiss and hug him. I sat in the room alone talking to him. The nurse asked me if I wanted her to see if my family had arrived. It seemed like all of you arrived at the same time.
When we left the hospital and drove back to Mom’s house, we all decided to stop and get a bite to eat. As we all took our seats in a large booth, my husband had a “surprised” look on his face. He said later he had felt someone (I knew it was my father.) no one was sitting close to him yet he felt someone put their arm around his shoulder. After lunch, we stopped at the Funeral home to start setting up the arrangements. She asked us to bring a suit for Dad and a few other things. My husband, sister, and I drove back to Mom’s house. I went upstairs looking for signs from my father. As I walked into their room, I could feel that he was there, the closet doors were cracked open which normally would be completely shut. After making the arrangements we drove back to my parent’s home, I noticed that Dad sure was here. The downstairs bathroom fan was on, and the dining room light was on, when no one was even in that room. I ran upstairs, I could hear their bathroom fan on. I yelled for my sister and I asked her if she left that fan on in their bathroom, she said she hadn’t turned it on at all. I looked at the closet doors and they were now open half way, I yelled with excitement. I closed them before we left earlier and now they are open even more. We approached and entered the other three bedrooms and sure enough all of the closet doors were open half way. I asked my mom to come upstairs, she met us in one of the rooms and she said we don’t use these rooms. I told her what I was sensing and seeing first hand and we all started to cry. We asked my father to continue giving us signs, we needed him now more than ever.
We asked Mom if she would like to spend the night at our house. My younger brother who is serving in the US Army was driving in with his family, my mother asked him to stop by our house to get her house key. During their short visit at my house, I asked my brother and his family to video tape as they entered my parent’s home and call me as they opened that door. At 11:00 p.m., I received the call, Mom was sitting right beside me, we were overwhelmed with excitement, as he entered, he could see that there was a light on. As he continued walking through the first floor of their home, he could hear a sound was coming from the downstairs bathroom. The fan was back on as he went upstairs all the bathroom fans were on. He was amazed how my father was sending immediate signs to him and his family.
The following day, I drove my mom back to her house. My brother and his family had gone shopping for clothes to wear to the funeral. While my mom was on the phone with my sister, I decided to walk around and video tape and see if I could capture a sign from my dad. I looked through all of the bedrooms and all of the closet doors were open. How could that be? We shut the doors yesterday. I started taking pictures and reviewed them hoping to find a face in one of them which resembled my dad. I ran to the first floor feeling ecstatic. To my surprise, in their outside enclosed porch, it appeared that my father just floated by. He had dark hair and he was wearing a white t-shirt and blue pants. He looked to me as if he was in his 30’s, it was the same man that both my parents seen a few days earlier. I knew it was dad. I was overly excited. My mother was in the dining room, talking to my sister. I told her I just seen dad and he was in the outside screened porch. He looked like a younger 30 year old version of himself dressed the same as the man they had seen a few days ago.
I kept rewinding that moment over and over. Did I really see my father? Am I losing my mind? I know what I saw and I know it’s my dad. I kept walking around and around their home. I could not wait to go into the basement with my brother and family when they came back from the store to video tape for evidence. I wanted to have evidence to show proof to others that life does go on and our loved ones are still alive but just in a different form.
Once my brother and his family arrived, I explained what I had seen, what dad did upstairs to all the closet doors. My brother was filled with exhilaration. We went downstairs into their basement. My parents had finished their basement it was all cement and dark and damp. We called upon my dad to give us a sign that he was present as I started to video in the basement I saw see huge green orbs and when I played back the footage, heard several different voices that were unheard of or unspoken at the time of the taping. I was so thrilled that finally I have physical evidence to spread to others that life goes on.
The next few days before his wake and funeral, I would be drawn to our basement and start to videotaping and hopefully be blessed with some kind of evidence of my father. I would tape at the same time each and every day: 3 a.m. I would say the same words, I come with love and light and I only allow high frequency spirits to connect and not low frequency spirits. I also said a short prayer of protection because I was feeling so heart broken and depressed that I did not want anything to come through that should not be here. Trying to collect a sign for me was helping me through my grieving process. It would end up being a temporary fix in order to get through a day. Things did start to happen, there were signs all over the place and dad was very active. It’s hard to recognize all that he attempted to show but when I did see it, I could not wait to share with the family. In the basement, I noticed the light was on and the light in the office in the basement was turned off when it was just on. I immediately turned the lights on, I was so excited but so freaked out at the same time. Did this really happen? I know what I saw it. No one is going to believe me, but it did not matter to me, I knew what I saw.
Dad continued to make his presence known. He turned on the oven light, fan light in the bathroom, opened drawers, opened and closed doors, messed with all of our car lights, horns, and lights would burn out. He was so active, I was feeling a little better because of his connections.
It was the day of the wake, we went to mom’s house to see her, my brother and his family. Of course, I started to video tape the entire home and sure enough the closet doors were cracked open ever so slightly and I knew it was my dad. There was a moment where my children and some of their cousins were all sitting on my parent’s bed and the sun was out and shining. I approached the bed, something caught my attention. Something changed, the hallway became very dark. I ran out of the room with all the kids following right behind me and I screamed. My father had closed all three bathroom doors. No one was upstairs but the kids and me. We ran downstairs to share this experience with the family. I knew my mom and younger brother believed us but some of family members were and were skeptical.
It was time to head on over to the funeral home. It was days since I last saw my father and I wanted to be with him. I was dreading seeing my father, lifeless and cold but I knew in my heart that he would give me a sign that he was with us. On one of the visits to the restrooms during the wake, I noticed the light burned out in the stall that I was in out of nowhere. It seemed to me that it was Dad and I could feel his presence in the air and all around me. We were allowed to see him before the wake began for the rest of the family and friends. It was a difficult moment approaching his casket. That moment had arrived, seeing my father for the first time in days and seeing his lifeless body just lying there but in peace, without a funny word coming from his mouth. I just kneeled and prayed and put my hand on his cold hands that were crossed. I had something that I wanted to place in his suit pocket jacket. My father loved lottery tickets, especially scratch off tickets. I purchased a handful of them and placed them into his suit pocket jacket. I told him, your luck, one of these will finally be a winner dad!
This day filled with many tears, love and great stories of my dad seemed to fly by. At the end of the wake, we were informed that the family would have one hour of private time. We all got up and started singing and dancing around my father’s casket. My niece braided my brother’s long blonde hair, giving him dreadlocks and we all started singing Bob Marley’s Three Little Birds and someone played that song from their phone. The look on the undertaker’s face was PRICELESS. My niece was picked up by other cousins and was being paraded around my father. We were having a celebration of his life and his memories and I think we all felt that this is the way Dad would have wanted it. There was so much love and joy and new memories being made and he was still a big part of it. Just imagine, I was dancing around barefoot, my mom took off one boot and was limping, my niece was in the air, and my older brother’s hair was braided. We were all singing and dancing around my father. It looked like we were filming a part in a comedy movie. For that next hour, we had a time of fun and laughter and much celebration that it took my mind off of the big picture.
The following day was the funeral and we all arrived at the funeral home. We went inside to view and pay our last respects to my father before we headed to Abraham Lincoln Memorial Cemetery and my father would receive a military honors tribute. One of my older brothers said a speech in dedication to my father. He added a little humor and in his speech; He mentioned my dad’s silly ways of fixing things. He put a tape roll in his casket along with a rag. My father always had a way of taping things up in trying to repair a quick fix along with always wiping and cleaning things up. It was an inside family joke that my father was probably laughing about it when it was mentioned.
They announced that they would be closing my father’s casket and that we all were able to send off our final goodbyes. My mom just could not see the sight of them closing the casket nor could I and both of our knees and legs went numb. My sister-in-law went between us and walked us both to the restroom to let us collect our thoughts and composure.
Mom and I were the first car behind the hearse and we were directed to our parking place. We exited the car and watched as my father passed in his casket with an American flag draped over it. It was a moment where life stood still for a moment. I could not take it all in, what happened and what was about to occur in his honor. My father served for our country as a US Marine during the Korean War. During his service, he saved many lives and could have received the Purple Heart but he declined it during that time. The military service was so surreal and uplifting that it made me proud to be an American and to honor all who have served, including my father, that help protect our country. When we heard Taps playing on a bugle it brought chills down my spine. It was so beautiful but yet so sad at the same time. This moment was dedicated to my father who was the rock of our family.
My sister and husband went back to the funeral home to pick up the picture boards and some other things before heading next store to the restaurant. My brother-in-law was not a believer in signs after someone passes away. He felt that’s it and their spirit goes to the Lord. My sister was in the funeral office while he stood in the very same location that my father’s casket was placed a few hours ago. He said a short prayer to my father and all of a sudden the door that the bodies are escorted through flung open and it was shut and locked. The funeral director ran out and said, that should not have happened and that it was very strange.
We had an amazing luncheon. We took many pictures and it felt like my dad was with us in spirit.
We had a blast, one of my brother’s always performs this dance called The Cheese Dance. He takes a slice of cheese and places it on his forehead and he starts dancing around. He decided to perform the cheese dance and asked the entire family to join in. It looks like the conga line, we all took the same slice of cheese and place it on our forehead and we danced down the line. We were all singing and dancing and having the best time that it sparked a lot of attention. Other guests eating at the restaurant would peek their heads in to see what all the noise was, when they heard we were celebrating the life of my dad, that seem to put a smile on their face. I feel that not only was dad present but he would not want it any other way. What a great way to celebrate his life.
We all headed to moms to be there with her and try and take it all in. The house seemed empty even with all of us inside. It just was not the same. The rock of the family was missing. What you would normally have heard was my father, laughing and joking around, but now it was silent. He always was a great story teller and loved to watch history and many other interesting programs on television. He was not shy by any means. When he drank his favorite drink, Mogen David, his character got even sillier. As I looked around their house, thinking about Dad’s final days, it brought so much sadness to my soul. I would be thinking, did Dad know that the other day was going to be his last? Is that why he was sitting on his rocker with his favorite jacket on at 3 a.m. in the dark? There were many signs along the way that we all had missed, including Dad. I sat in his rocker, one of the last places he was before he left for the casino. I put on his jacket, I rocked and cried and I kept running the past week’s events and memories over and over in my
mind. I thought, this is not fair! I knew he was going to pass away and I could not save him. I was angry and internally beating myself up. “What if…?” scenarios were playing over and over in my mind. I got up from Dad’s chair and starting roaming the house, step by step, searching for clues and signs.
I noticed piles of important papers, his life insurance policy and many other documents that seemed to be placed there for a reason. I started to wonder if my father was getting things in order. He may have known something but at the same time he did not know. That sounds strange but it actually makes sense. I have heard when animals are getting ready to pass, they may run and hide or start to act in a different manner. I am not saying my dad’s personality changed out of nowhere. What I am suggesting is that at one point, he knew. It could have come to him in a dream, or he may have sensed it. I feel my father was very spiritually gifted but hid it well his entire life. He used to tell us all the same stories that at